The Dilemma: TO HURRY DEATH OR MUCKER ON?

This topic was a “no go there!” It was until I saw the inequity to my family caused by my hanging on when no longer able to take care of myself. When I reached the need of constant care in one of our warehouses called Nursing Homes, that is a time that calls for another look at this Dilemma.

Nursing homes, Assisted Living, Home Care and most other Supportive Care Programs are prohibitively expensive and getting worse each day. There is no financial help from the government for the greater number of us Middle Income Folks who responsibly saved up for our own retirement.

You pay it out, when that happens the Government will help. You are then broke but ok. Your spouse, well the spouse has to pay for you to till there is nothing left for her to live on. Nice Hey!

There is also the tragedy suffered by the family as you fade into La-La-Land. Guilt, Obligation, the Need to have you remain if only in body and not in brain. These keep warehousing of AD Afflicted well in place. For what?

The diaper industry? The profit in soporific drugs? Jobs for the recent immigrants who will work for nothing, learn their English on the job while not caring; “it’s just a job insulting them with minimum wage.” Who needs to speak to an AD patient, they won’t understand? Who will gripe if they overlook doing this or that for them! Too often this amounts to the quality of our care.

Take my own life as my mind floats out the door I asked my Rabbi. She said “would you deny your wife the blessings of caring for you?”

If I asked my Buddhist Mentor the answer would be about the same, don’t monkey around with Karma, hers or yours.

My Confessor back when I was Catholic: Offer it up for the poor souls or the greater honor and glory of God.

These are all good reasons to which I have adhered and continue to some degree to do so.

It seems to me however, there is a time to call it quits, call all the chits in, when it makes no sense whatsoever in going on.

It is not when with AD I am this:

It might well be time when I become this.

This is the changing face of our disease. Early Stages, there is quality of life that we can really work on continuing in that stage.

Later stages, it is hard, for so many reasons, so much complication, so little return or benefit accruing by continuing life. My focus on this is those around me. I so hate to see my condition doing to them what it will. Particularly doing it when I am just not there.

These comments of mine are prelude to another good article dealing with this Dilemma taken from the New York Times last week. It is on my Archive: A Mother’s Decision to Die Click on it, it is worth reading.

I don’t have an answer, I have a lot of questions.