All in Moon Shadow II, Part 2

 Part 2 of 2 parts

I ended Part 1 of All in Moon Shadow with the following 3 paragraphs:

Life is but a weigh station on our trip in the Cosmos. The Cosmos, whatever it is, is the place or power from which our consciousness emanates. It was conscious before we acquired our body and conscious after we leave this body to decompose back to earth. This body has been but the Avatar through which we navigate in this unique Cyberspace we know as Life.

That is what breaking down the free will each of us knows so well and each of us understands to be uniquely ours amounts to. It is ours and it isn’t ours. Like everything else in this virtual reality we know as life it is there and then it slips away on us. Sometimes we are its volition other times we have absolutely nothing to do with it.

Life is but a moment in something so much more of which we are or at least part. Free will is in the moon shadows along with all else we perceive to be. As but shadows it is less than real but more than purposeful.

What is this Cosmos and what are we in it? Are we in it wholly or as part? Do we call the Cosmos God! Should we not anthropomorphize God we see but active power available for the sharing all for the asking. In AA this was recognized as a very spiritual and not an altogether religious way of looking at it.

The best that can be said of god, cosmos, higher power is this: There is a transcendent power available for us that works within us to better our lot by being here in this dimension utilizing it.

Fit into this framework when AD reared its ugly head with me I asked: “So what’s with this Crap. Have I not had enough to deal with? I need this agony too?”

The answer was found by doing as I did with this abrupt and complete change wrought over me. My doing was articulated in the surrender to it; the acceptance of it; the act of choice I made to produce as good a run having AD as I could. The validation came in the sense of fulfillment, in the peace and serenity I found conducting myself in my new mission.

This measured the greater of any other undertaking of my life of which they were many. All of my life I felt I was the Great Imposter, soon to be found out, in spite of all the success I evidenced by each accomplishment of my life. All said and done, I felt with my success it was no more than an accident, I was an imposter having no right to take any credit for any of these accidents.

With AD, no longer was I the Imposter; I was for real; I was about being real.  Being real responding to my condition, AD, I was sucking up the beauty of finally having the gift that would challenge me fully. This was my ticket for having taken this mantle my life. It is in this I finally found fulfillment having lived.

If anything sounds the Imposter it is in what I just said and believe to be. But, it is not!

That vague sense of phony, that feel of bottomless void in me, no longer plagues me. Finally I found the round hole in the center of the wheel that fits the circumference of me, me the axle that fits securely in that round hole.

My damaged brain has quit working in many of its functions. I am blessed nonetheless, much cognitive function remains. What remains has served me wonderfully. I have worked the buns off my brain. I sincerely believe in response it has developed new pathways, grown new tissue and tapped more fully into my right brain to facilitate me in this cognitively damaged environment I now am in.

This convinces me that my mind is more than my brain. It convinces me my mind is in no way limited by my brain. My brain which is subject to the bio-chemical process of my body can dysfunction, malfunction or deteriorate, destroying my capacity to think with it in the same way my body is and will do in every one of its other functions.

The brain serves me in the same way a CPU serves the function of a computer. The brain takes the data it stores evaluates and analyzes it. This essentially is the exercise of its power which we call cognition. What is done with the product of this function is what we make of it in our finite consequence.

We also have another use that can be made of the product of cognition. This use is not of finite consequence as is our product from brain function. The product doesn't start and stop with birth and death as function of our brain does. 

This other use is what the mind does with product of cognition. The mind is neither controlled nor limited by the brain.

The mind transcends the brain, is part of our overall consciousness, which transcends the part of us that is born, lives and then dies.

Therefore, when the brain is damaged or breaks down in part it has the potential to adjust and adapt. It is a living bio-chemical process. As such it is able to think through a new pathway using the overall mind for that purpose. The new pathway is the CPU like connection, the combination of our brain body working with our mind. It is the property of the brain, it interfaces with our mind.

The mind is not limited by the damage to the brain.

It is with AD I came to understand and appreciate the versatility of the brain in action, whole, healthy or as in my case damaged and demented. The brain thrives, adjusts, adapts in spite of the deterioration it experiences with this disease. As such we can do so much with it.

In this we can contribute to our quality of life as can those who would help us. Creating programs to enhance this potential we have particularly as we are in the Early Stage of AD are so very important.

For my purposes as I surmise it, there are two factors I’ve had presented to me by AD. 

First is to suffer this disease and the deteriorating brain that is part of it. 

Secondly to demonstrate what power remains to work our amazing capacity of brain power. Putting our mind to it (literally) working around our deficiencies as yet further of them impact us, this is where having our disease should take us. 

All in all it is a losing battle, but while I stay on top with the cognition to show for it I will keep writing to demonstrate what is happening to my mind as AD progresses.

While this is happening I am performing in yet another scene of this multi act play in which I am the Player. Living this act, the illusion of dementia, I am able to do something good I could not have done without having the disease.